Tuesday, 15 September 2015

Heartbreak. The Worst One Yet

I'm going to try and keep this one relatively short because I don't think my brain can handle too much more right now.

The last time I wrote, we were waiting for a CT scan and the for the new trial treatment to start.

For the past 6(ish) weeks, we've been going into hospital regularly for blood tests, consent forms and so on to get Steve up and running on the trial, and on Thursday last week he had a physical exam to make sure he was well enough and showing no sign of infection etc, with a view to him starting the trial this week.

On Thursday afternoon, we had a call to say that it turns out the trial had been closed for a while and that Steve could no longer participate. They asked us to come in today to discuss other options.

So today, we went in for a meeting with the oncologist and were hoping he would have news on a different trial.

Instead, he told us that there is currently nothing available and we are now facing "incurable".

We are absolutely devastated, shocked beyond belief, and heartbroken.

We also learnt that his spine has got in on the cancer action, and more than likely his liver, too, although that part isn't confirmed yet.

They will keep looking out for trials, and as soon as one comes up that Steve is eligible for, we will be informed and he'll be put forward for it (provided he wants to be).

Steve has slept for most of today through sheer exhaustion.

I feel numb to the point where I can't feel my feet on the ground, but at the same time, I'm  in more pain than I've ever known.

We have both agreed that we will not give up, we will keep fighting and live every day to the fullest for our baby girl and for each other.

Thanks for reading.

Gina xx

3 comments:

MUMSIE said...

Wish I had words to comfort both of you Gina, my heart aches for what you are both going through, all I can do is send you gentle hugs and keep you both in my thoughts and prayers x Always here if you need me Gina x love and hugs Lesley x
hope another trial comes quickly if Steve wants to try it, so sorry it wasn't good news lovelies xx keep fighting keep strong for each other and little 'Birdie' x She will keep you both going x

Tim Darvell said...

I am so sorry to read this sad news :( You are all in my thoughts and prayers.. Never give up x

susan gilmour said...

So so sorry to hear the very sad news....Try and keep strong Gina and please lean on others during this very difficult time...Be there for each other -and for your gorgeous baby girl...Always here for you S and D xx