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Thursday 11 July 2013

One of those horrible ones

Firstly, apologies for the huge delay in any sort of update - as you've probably guessed, it's not for a good reason.

We felt euphoric after Steve's last chemo and we were told he wouldn't need a CT scan until September/October time. For some reason though, the oncologist wrote to us about a week later and said he'd like to do one just to be sure. Good job he did.

The scan was about a week before a wedding we were attending in Italy, which we'd been looking forward to as a celebration of two of our closest friends get married, as well as a celebration of the end of a horrible time. We called the hospital several times as we were desperate for the results before we went away. We were told "your results are in, I have them here on my desk but you'll have to wait for your appointment" - this appointment was for June. We were at the beginning of May. After several more phone calls and some stern words, it was agreed that our results would be given over the phone the day before we went away.

Steve had a tumour on his lung.

Thankfully, this time wasn't like the first time where they told us he had cancer and made us wait 3 weeks to find out if he was going to be okay. They told us immediately that it was very small and very treatable which is amazing, but at the time even that didn't help the feeling of being kicked in the face.

Fast-forward from then to now, and I'm sitting in the living room waiting to take Steve to the hospital, ready for surgery tomorrow. The plan is keyhole and the surgeon is confident he will be able to get the whole tumour, plus a wide margin around the edge, using this procedure.

Steve is showering in antibacterial shower gel, which he has to do twice before surgery and three times afterwards, and he seems calm enough. I'm not quite so calm. I've been teary and shaky and sick, not that he knows because I've always hidden it well. I don't remember feeling this terrible last time, maybe because I didn't know what to expect then, or maybe just because my memories of last time are slightly distorted. Either way, I'm looking forward to getting the next few days out the way and moving forward. I want us to start enjoying the remaining wedding plans instead of them being tainted by this cloud hanging over us.

As usual, I've had the most amazing support from the lovely online community and will feel forever indebted to them because of it. I don't know what I would do without that constant love and friendship.

I will write again soon to update you on surgery but if you're reading this, please keep me in your happy thoughts, positive vibes and prayers.

Lots of love Xx