I realised a couple of days ago that I'd completely forgotten about my blog during the chaos of the last few weeks. Sorry about that!
Where to start... We've moved into a beautiful new flat and are absolutely loving it! It was extremely stressful - work suddenly became hectic just as we were moving, Steve went on a stag do the weekend we moved (so I pretty much moved in by myself) and then I was on the hen do the following week, so this weekend has been our first full weekend in the flat together so there's been a lot of sorting out to do.
Health-wise, a throwaway comment from Steve about his neuropathy at his last pre-chemo caused quite an uproar among the chemo team... Apparently it shouldn't last more than 4 or 5 days, however there had been three and a half weeks since his previous treatment and he was still getting severe pins and needles.
Even after Steve's first chemo it lasted 8 days... Nobody had ever told us it shouldn't last that long! (Steve was almost as annoyed at finding out our parking tickets could be invalidated, instead of spending about stupid money every time we went to the hospital)!
The doctors are slightly concerned it may have caused permanent nerve damage, and have continued the capecitabine but stopped any more oxaliplatin infusions, which he's thrilled about as it's the infusions that make him so poorly. Only time will tell if there has been lasting damage but at the moment he isn't at all worried about this. Steve was about to have Infusion #7 out of 8, but apparently it's rare to make it past 6 and still feel well enough for any more, so they were happy to stop it there.
I was at work when Steve was told. We work for the same company, so when he returned to work from his pre-chemo, he popped into my office to let me know.
Steve had a lot of time after surgery and after each chemotherapy to think about what's happened to him in the last year and begin to accept it. I've worked all the way through, and have never really allowed myself to overthink it, apart from within this blog. So I've always envisioned the day we're told we don't have to go through anymore chemotherapy - it felt like it would never come. I knew Steve would say his thank-yous and leave the hospital quite happy, and I would be a blubbering mess on the floor when the relief smacked me in the face.
This isn't far from what happened. In the middle of the office. Brilliant. Luckily I was very close to finishing work for the day...
I immediately burst into tears and crumbled into him, like he did to me when he told me he had cancer, and cried about how happy I was he would never have to go through that again and how proud I was of him.
Needless to say, until my outburst, Steve had been quite pleased. But of course, as soon as I cried, he did. Along with half the office watching us. What a performance!
In other news, I've booked a ticket to Bowel Cancer UK's Patient Day! Steve isn't coming as he feels it will be too difficult, which I can understand because the way he deals with things is to know as little as possible and try to ignore what's happened. I'm really looking forward to meeting some of the wonderful people I've met through various charities and on Twitter.
It's been a very surreal experience and feels like it has gone on forever, however now we're nearing the end it chokes me up to think about the things we've gone through together in the last year.
Going through this has taught us so much about ourselves, and made us stronger than we ever thought it was possible to be. I've met some incredible people and feel like a better person for the things it has encouraged me to do.
Our wedding day is fast approaching and every day we talk about our future together, the children we can't wait for and the things we want to do. It's strange that something we've feared for so long, has somehow made us fearless at the same time. We know now that we can handle whatever life throws at us, and we are so excited to start our next chapter!
Watch this space :)
Loads of love as always
Gina Xx
